Michael Zeleny (larvatus) wrote,
Michael Zeleny
larvatus

the loaded gun

    Whilst peacefully picketing the WebEx User Conference in front of the Westin St. Francis hotel in the Union Square on May 2, Michael Zeleny and his faithful dog Cosmo both have been detained for questioning and psychological evaluation by the San Francisco Police Department and San Francisco animal control, respectively. As of this writing, the tests came out negative for Zeleny, determined fit to be released on his own recognizance. Cosmo remains in custody pending the determination of charges against him.
    According to Sergeant Catanzaro of the San Francisco Police Department, this turn of events came about after the hotel management had broken into the locked trunk of Zeleny’s car to find an unloaded semiautomatic SKS rifle stored therein in compliance with the law. An unloaded and encased SIG P210 handgun that Zeleny had entrusted to the hotel management for safekeeping has been confiscated by the San Francisco Police Department. These actions are said to have been taken as a result of WebEx management requesting an all-purpose scrutiny of Zeleny.
    Prior to their demonstration, Zeleny had informed the San Francisco Police of independently witnessed and documented threats made against Zeleny’s and Cosmo’s lives in the names of Min Zhu and WebEx.
    The San Francisco authorities have evinced special concerns regarding the passenger compartment of Zeleny’s car containing a copy of the Deluxe Edition of Eminem’s album Encore, accompanied by photographs depicting the entertainer shooting assorted members of his nightclub audience with a toy handgun, then putting its muzzle to his head to produce a graphic mockup of a bang.

    The same authorities conspicuously chose to overlook the threat implicit in Zeleny’s possession of a penis, carried on his person loaded and encased in his clothing.
In contradistinction from the device presumably possessed by Min Zhu, Zeleny’s male member has never been accused of serving as the centerpiece implement of rape.
    Zeleny’s protest is scheduled to resume at 9 a.m. on May 3.
Tags: bullshit, comedy, cosmo, guns, webex
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