May 3rd, 2005


the loaded gun

    Whilst peacefully picketing the WebEx User Conference in front of the Westin St. Francis hotel in the Union Square on May 2, Michael Zeleny and his faithful dog Cosmo both have been detained for questioning and psychological evaluation by the San Francisco Police Department and San Francisco animal control, respectively. As of this writing, the tests came out negative for Zeleny, determined fit to be released on his own recognizance. Cosmo remains in custody pending the determination of charges against him.
    According to Sergeant Catanzaro of the San Francisco Police Department, this turn of events came about after the hotel management had broken into the locked trunk of Zeleny’s car to find an unloaded semiautomatic SKS rifle stored therein in compliance with the law. An unloaded and encased SIG P210 handgun that Zeleny had entrusted to the hotel management for safekeeping has been confiscated by the San Francisco Police Department. These actions are said to have been taken as a result of WebEx management requesting an all-purpose scrutiny of Zeleny.
    Prior to their demonstration, Zeleny had informed the San Francisco Police of independently witnessed and documented threats made against Zeleny’s and Cosmo’s lives in the names of Min Zhu and WebEx.
    The San Francisco authorities have evinced special concerns regarding the passenger compartment of Zeleny’s car containing a copy of the Deluxe Edition of Eminem’s album Encore, accompanied by photographs depicting the entertainer shooting assorted members of his nightclub audience with a toy handgun, then putting its muzzle to his head to produce a graphic mockup of a bang.

    The same authorities conspicuously chose to overlook the threat implicit in Zeleny’s possession of a penis, carried on his person loaded and encased in his clothing.
In contradistinction from the device presumably possessed by Min Zhu, Zeleny’s male member has never been accused of serving as the centerpiece implement of rape.
    Zeleny’s protest is scheduled to resume at 9 a.m. on May 3.

the sinking ship

    The WebEx User Conference has expired with a whimper today, in response to a peaceful demonstration by Michael Zeleny against the company that covers up for degenerate daughter rapist Min Zhu. Michael has enjoyed seeing this discount Goliath back out with his tail tucked. Some leftover props from his picket remain in his possession. The line forms at the left for these genuine memorabilia of the next implosion.
    Popular media remain under the cone of silence. Michael will not go gently into that good night. What do you expect to happen once his action reaches the tipping point of popular attention?
    Michael had words with several WebEx employees. The rank and file were curious and supportive. They furtively sought Michael’s leaflets and shared tales of white collar crime. The security detail was sheepish. They stuck to his tail like dingleberries, their name badges reversed, taking pictures and whispering into walkie-talkies. The bolder among them volunteered opinions. Michael might have been threatened in the names of WebEx and Min Zhu by their competitors. By the same token, O.J. Simpson might really be looking for Nicole’s killer on those golf courses. Surely Michael is mixing up personal issues with business. By the same token, he was not the first to interbreed these pursuits. As the troops retreated, Michael saw an important character kvetching to the cop assigned to keep the peace at the Westin St. Francis. He asked his victim to confirm being Bill Heil, Min Zhu’s replacement as WebEx President. The sorrowful executive acknowledged his identity and asked Michael for his name. Michael played along by introducing himself. Then he told Heil that this issue would end only by WebEx talking to him. An act of contrition is in order. Michael expects nothing of the sort, but it is gratifying to think that every step along the way will leave his adversaries with retrospective misgivings over not having cried uncle sooner.
    The hotel looked to have at least 1/3 of its nearly 1,195 rooms taken by conference attendees. The conference fee was a little shy of $600. That makes for a quarter million dollar loss on the WebEx balance sheet. For starters.