December 21st, 2004


winter solstice

    Ready or not, here comes Michael. Living out his 47th year. Living down the loss of his father following the loss of his child. Growing into the face he deserves. The right face to wear on this stage.
Larvatus prodeo.

who, what, where, why

    He was born in the U.S.S.R. in 1958. Through high school he immersed himself in math Olympiads and political incorrectness. In 1977 he came to America in search of freedom. His life there has gone through four stages. He started out with a self-taught programming career. He followed up with a study of philosophy and mathematics. He left school for an entrepreneurial venture in Internet technology. He is living through its acrimonious and catastrophic aftermath. He is concluding five years' worth of startup wind-down and litigation. The defendants are his former partners, a former girlfriend and a publicly traded company founded by her father. His rewards comprise withstanding death threats, doing right by his former employees, and delivering a comeuppance to his enemies. His father was a plaintiff in a related lawsuit. He has perished in an apartment fire of suspicious origins. His mother suffers from Alzheimer's aggravated by this trauma. She is left in his care. He lives in a rickety house sitting on a Hollywood hillside. It is full of dusty books, loaded guns, half-assembled Italian automobility, and cranky old dogs. Michael writes to stave off insanity.

sexy ghost

    Rachel called again today. She asked why Michael didn’t pick up the phone last night. She asked whether he used a condom. Michael declined her gambit.
    Rachel has memorable tits. Michael never turned down an opportunity to fondle them. But Rachel is no good on the phone. This connection is too slight to permit feeding and fucking. Only the excuses remain. That is not enough.
    She cannot understand why a good woman like herself cannot find a good man. Michael explains that she is addicted to misery. Rachel will do whatever it takes to keep herself unhappy. Her efforts to connect with Michael fall under this rubric. She flees to squelch the intimacy. She comes back to maintain the tension. She conjures up the reasons for her discontent. Michael is not of this world. He thinks too much. He will not go forth to shake hands and make deals.
    Rachel likes being fed and fucked. That is the only way to stop her complaining. Michael played along for two years. Then Rachel got pregnant. At first, she seemed excited. She was going to have the child. Michael was looking forward to being a father. Three weeks into it, Rachel exploded at Michael. She ran out of his house screaming. Michael tried to calm her down. Later on, Rachel called Michael’s mother and told her that she had a miscarriage. She refused to speak to Michael. On Wednesday he came to her doorstep with his father. They pleaded with Rachel to talk things over. She did not respond. The next day she had an abortion.
    Afterwards she begged Michael to come back. On Sunday night he came to see her. Rachel was in bed. Her roommate’s toy dog had a hardon. He ran after Michael, trying to hump his foot. Rachel asked Michael to lie down next to her. She wanted to feel his cock inside her. Rachel explained that her cunt was sore from miscarriage. She laid on her stomach. Michael slid his cock up her ass. Rachel moaned. She liked feeling helpless under Michael. When they were done, she told him about the abortion. She wanted to try getting pregnant again. Michael walked out.

Edvard Munch, The Day After, 1894-1895, oil on canvas, 115x152cm

    For three days he remained inside, going out only to walk the dogs. On Wednesday afternoon, Michael’s parents came to visit. He was lying in his bed upstairs. He would not come down. Later on, Michael’s father called to invite him to a movie. Michael was not in the mood to be entertained. Later he changed his mind. He picked up two videos and headed to his parents’ apartment. He called them on the way. His mother said that his father was sleeping. Michael told her not to wake him up. He stopped at a Japanese restaurant. He ate yellowtail sashimi and headed west to watch the videos with his parents. On the way to their place, Michael stopped at a newsstand. He was leafing through motorcycle magazines when his cell phone rang. Christoph just saw Michael’s parents on TV. There was a fire.

William Blake, The House of Death, 1795/circa 1805, color print finished in ink and watercolour on paper support, 485x610mm