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larvatus prodeo
December 31st, 2025
10:00 am


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for the anonymous troll
Over sixteen twenty years online, I have received a broad spectrum of threats and pitches, and entertained a commensurate range of slurs and plaudits. This experience has crystallized two iron laws of online communications.

The first law is a corollary of Occam’s razor. No matter what you are promised or threatened on the Internet, the most you will get out of it is oral ministrations. In other words, there is no downside in moving virtual bluster to realspace. Yonder puffed-out sock puppet is as unlikely to escalate its verbiage to physical damage, as the heiress of an African potentate, to bestow her commission upon Americans paying their facilitation fees. By contrast, that virtual fellatrix yearning to reward your eloquence with expert suction may well come through as promised, especially if you overlook minor discrepancies ranging from mien to gender.

The second law of Internet intercourse is a corollary of the first. Only a clueless newbie responds personally to an anonymous troll. To illustrate its application, whenever one of the latter kind feels the urge to share its thoughts about anything but one of the former, it should take them instead to someone who can relate to its bogus persona. It makes no difference whether a figment of this sort touts itself as a public intellectual in mufti, or poses as a skank that services barnyard livestock for spare change. In the immortal words of Jack Nicholson, sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.

A final notice to the insistent incognito. When you surpass words in punishing my excesses, make sure that your hostile deeds leave me unfit to retaliate. My reckoning will define the remainder of your life. It’s happened to your betters before. Don’t let it happen to you.

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(4 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:October 22nd, 2007 06:36 pm (UTC)
Good afternoon, dear larvatus! My name`s Varvara, and I study Russian Religious philosophy, especially Vladimir Soloviev`s conception. Would you be so kind to advise me some sites where I could get something about Vl. Soloviev in English? Articles or books, if you know anything. Thank you for your attention,

[User Picture]
Date:October 22nd, 2007 06:58 pm (UTC)
Dear Varvara:

I commend you on your interest. Many years ago I was pleased to find in Vladimir Solovyov the basis for a fair and tolerant interpretation of Russian national ideas. Please note that the traditional English transliteration works better in online search. Herewith some links: Vladimir Solovyov at Wikipedia, Plato, translated by Richard Gill, the entry on Solovyov at The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Soloviev Home Page at christendom-awake.org, The Transnational Vladimir Solovyov Society, and Solovyov Yahoo! discussion group. Best of luck.
[User Picture]
Date:October 23rd, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks a lot! :)
Date:October 22nd, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
haahahahahahahaha wow.
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