Michael Zeleny (larvatus) wrote,
Michael Zeleny

fuckhead favor

    Eventually Georgie said, “We better get some milk for those bunnies.”
    “We don’t have milk,” I said.
    “We’ll mix sugar up with it.”
    “Will you forget about this milk all of a sudden?”
    “They’re mammals, man.”
    “Forget about those rabbits.”
    “Where are they, anyway?”
    “You’re not listening to me. I said, ‘Forget the rabbits.’”
    “Where are they?”
    The truth was I’d forgotten all about them and they were dead.
    “They slid around behind me and got squashed,” I said tearfully.
    “They slid around behind?”
    He watched while I pried them out from behind my back.
    I picked them out one at a time and held them in my hands and we looked at them. There were eight. They weren’t any bigger than my fingers, but everything was there.
    Little feet! Little eyelids! Even whiskers! “Deceased,” I said.
    Georgie asked, “Does everything you touch turn to shit? Does this happen to you every time?”
    “No wonder they call me Fuckhead.”
    “It’s a name that’s going to stick.”
    “I realize that.”
    “‘Fuckhead’ is gonna ride you to your grave.”
    “I just said so, I agreed with you in advance” I said.
    – Emergency, in Jesus’ Son: Stories by Denis Johnson, HarperPerennial, 1993, pp. 83-84

Billy Crudup as FH in Jesus’ Son

Jack Black as Georgie and Denis Johnson as Terrence Weber in Jesus’ Son

When a fuckhead friend does you a favor, be thankful you are not a bunny.

In French, with inverted species relations:
Rien n’est si dangereux qu’un ignorant ami ;
Mieux vaudrait un sage ennemi.
— Jean de la Fontaine, L’Ours et l’Amateur des jardins

Image:Gustave Dore L'Ours Et L'Amateur Des Jardins.png
Illustration by Gustave Doré for Jean de La Fontaine, L’Ours et l’amateur des jardins

Хотя услуга нам при нужде дорога,
Но за нее не всяк умеет взяться:
Не дай бог с дураком связаться!
Услужливый дурак опаснее врага.
— Иван Андреевич Крылов, Пустынник и Медведь
Tags: asshat, bullshit, death, degenerates, friends, violence

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