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December 31st, 2025
12:10 pm

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HIC LOCUS EST UBI MORS GAUDET SUCCURRERE VITAE
Welcome to the online journal of larvatus. Stable texts are open to the general public. Squibs and sallies, schemes and stratagems, jaunts and taunts, are restricted to friends. Please note that locked texts subject to third party copyright are provided to my friends under the doctrine of fair use, subject to implied consent by all their readers to abstain from redistribution. Reciprocal friendship shall be extended to all sane, sound, and disinterested personae. Comments and critique are always welcome. Marriage proposals and death threats shall be entertained in the order received.
    The House Rules are few and lax. All anonymous comments are initially screened. They shall be revealed or answered at your host’s discretion. All signed comments are initially presumed welcome, until and unless they cause an affront to your host. Thereupon their author shall become banned from further contributions to this journal. Otherwise, anything goes.
                        SAY WHAT?

                                                                                         ÇA ?
                                                                      Tristan Corbière


A treatise? You don’t say! I haven’t treated squat!
A study? Slothful wretch, my culture fetid rot.
A volume? Random heap, sheets stacked in disarray.
Good copy? Not with me enmired in the fray.

A poem? Not today, my lyre is being cleaned.
A book? Of fusty tomes far better to be weaned.
A song? Would that it were, my ear is made of tin.
Fun pastime? Sordid den, dire boredom dwells within.

A cadence? Rhythmic flow is broken by dull grind.
A product? I divide what others multiplied.
A story? Handicapped, my lame and laggard Muse.
Clear proof? My mind is fraught by grief and lit by booze.

High fashion? Wealth and style inform nowhere my dress.
Grandstanding or grand mal? My spasms fail to impress.
Evicted from the hall, I lurk behind the stage,
In transit, poised to choose: a joy house or a cage.

Too old? But to retire, my tenure won’t suffice.
Too young? My hectic life will rid me of this vice.
A sage, a slob, an ace, a master, and a clown,
A stud without a flock, a king without a crown.

THIS is without pretense, and yet a blatant pose.
It’s life and nothing but, confessed in deathless prose.
A masterpiece? Could be, I never made one yet!
A farce? A waste? A bomb? Decide and place your bet!

I bet… and I shall sign herewith my humble name;
My child shall overcome each tainted libel claim.
Through chance it will prevail, its fate a stroke of luck
Art knows me not at all — and I don’t give a fuck.

                      — traduced by MZ, 6 September 2005


free counters

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10:00 am

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for the anonymous troll
Over sixteen twenty years online, I have received a broad spectrum of threats and pitches, and entertained a commensurate range of slurs and plaudits. This experience has crystallized two iron laws of online communications.

The first law is a corollary of Occam’s razor. No matter what you are promised or threatened on the Internet, the most you will get out of it is oral ministrations. In other words, there is no downside in moving virtual bluster to realspace. Yonder puffed-out sock puppet is as unlikely to escalate its verbiage to physical damage, as the heiress of an African potentate, to bestow her commission upon Americans paying their facilitation fees. By contrast, that virtual fellatrix yearning to reward your eloquence with expert suction may well come through as promised, especially if you overlook minor discrepancies ranging from mien to gender.

The second law of Internet intercourse is a corollary of the first. Only a clueless newbie responds personally to an anonymous troll. To illustrate its application, whenever one of the latter kind feels the urge to share its thoughts about anything but one of the former, it should take them instead to someone who can relate to its bogus persona. It makes no difference whether a figment of this sort touts itself as a public intellectual in mufti, or poses as a skank that services barnyard livestock for spare change. In the immortal words of Jack Nicholson, sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.

A final notice to the insistent incognito. When you surpass words in punishing my excesses, make sure that your hostile deeds leave me unfit to retaliate. My reckoning will define the remainder of your life. It’s happened to your betters before. Don’t let it happen to you.

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September 24th, 2016
12:01 pm

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My tweets

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September 23rd, 2016
02:58 pm

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September 21st, 2016
11:28 pm

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September 20th, 2016
01:47 pm

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September 18th, 2016
12:00 pm

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September 17th, 2016
12:00 pm

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September 16th, 2016
12:01 pm

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09:46 am

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sig p210 at rock island auction
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Lot 3429: SIG P210-DK m/49, arsenal refurbished
Serial Number: 5179
Realized Price: $6,325
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Lot 3426: SIG P210-6, CNC frame, micrometer sights, with an earlier .22LR conversion kit
Serial Number: P306672
Realized Price: $5,750
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Lot 3425: SIG P210-6, forged frame, micrometer sights, with three extra matching number barrels, accessories, and papers
Serial Number: P64031
Realized Price: $9,200
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Lot 846: SIG P210-1, early forged frame, with box
Serial Number: P51572
Realized Price: $4,025

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Lot 843: SIG P210-6, CNC frame, fixed sights, 99% plus original finish, with box
Serial Number: P314463
Realized Price: $3,738

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September 15th, 2016
12:00 pm

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My tweets

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September 14th, 2016
11:44 pm

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My tweets
  • Wed, 22:43: “When it comes to skyscrapers and bridges and power plants and elevators and the like, engineering has been, and... https://t.co/SscRKiVmn6
  • Wed, 22:58: The only correct answer to any question that begins with “Am I an asshole…”, ends with “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

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September 13th, 2016
12:00 pm

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September 12th, 2016
03:01 pm

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My tweets
  • Sun, 15:47: No wonder the Half Moon closed down. You can only snub so much of your core constituency.... https://t.co/Pd5VH1VnSa
  • Sun, 16:51: “How did you go bankrupt?” Bill asked. “Two ways,” Mike said. “Gradually and then suddenly.” — Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises, 1926
  • Sun, 16:52: I broke bad the day my father burned in a fire that started in 2 places at once, 3 years & 5 months after sprouting my 1st crack on 9/11.
  • Sun, 16:54: I broke bad gradually & then suddenly: 8 years of assclowning—gradually; 18 days of watching my father die—suddenly. https://t.co/ehCTXljgMI
  • Sun, 17:06: An asshole differs from an assclown: as cutting in line, from broaching rear entry; as arrogating privileges, from reclaiming rights.
  • Sun, 17:23: All you giving up rights to line up for the sake of craven politeness: do as I do, or hope & pray to catch up with me on the other side.
  • Sun, 17:40: All you frantically boarding up the rear entry: stock up on glue & lube, ere you get fisted & splintered.
  • Sun, 17:44: metagraph to an anniversary https://t.co/lxLCI7Emhr
  • Sun, 17:45: metagraph to an anniversary https://t.co/bmbBQhukwC
  • Sun, 22:33: https://t.co/EJikelRaR8
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September 11th, 2016
05:44 pm

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metagraph to an anniversary

“Ma, sendo l’intento mio scrivere cosa utile a chi la intende, mi è parso più conveniente andare drieto alla verità effettuale della cosa, che alla immaginazione di essa. E molti si sono immaginati repubbliche e principati che non si sono mai visti né conosciuti essere in vero; perché elli è tanto discosto da come si vive a come si doverrebbe vivere, che colui che lascia quello che si fa per quello che si doverrebbe fare, impara più tosto la ruina che la preservazione sua: perché uno uomo, che voglia fare in tutte le parte professione di buono, conviene rovini infra tanti che non sono buoni.”
“But as my intention is to write something of use to those who understand it, it appears to me more proper to go straight to the real truth of the matter than to its imaginary state. And many have imagined republics and principalities that have never been seen or known to exist in reality; for how we live is so far removed from how we ought to live, that he who abandons what is done for what ought to be done, will sooner learn to bring about his own ruin than his preservation; and hence a man who wishes to make a profession of goodness in every matter, must necessarily come to grief among so many who are not good.”

— Niccolò Machiavelli, Il Principe, 1532
“How did you go bankrupt?” Bill asked.
“Two ways,” Mike said. “Gradually and then suddenly.”
“What brought it on?”
“Friends,” said Mike. “I had a lot of friends. False friends. Then I had creditors, too. Probably had more creditors than anybody in England.”
“Tell them about in the court,” Brett said.
“I don't remember,” Mike said. “I was just a little tight.”
“Tight!” Brett exclaimed. “You were blind!”
“Extraordinary thing,” Mike said. "Met my former partner the other day. Offered to buy me a drink.”
“Tell them about your learned counsel,” Brett said.
“I will not,” Mike said. “My learned counsel was blind, too. I say this is a gloomy subject. Are we going down and see these bulls unloaded or not?”
“Let’s go down.”
— Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises, 1926
Jim Bennett: I’ve been up two and a half million.
Frank: What you got on you?
Jim Bennett: Nothing.
Frank: What you put away?
Jim Bennett: Nothing.
Frank: You get up two and a half million dollars, any asshole in the world knows what to do. You get a house with a 25 year roof, an indestructible Jap-economy shitbox, you put the rest into the system at three to five percent to pay your taxes and that’s your base, get me? That’s your fortress of fucking solitude. That puts you, for the rest of your life, at a level of fuck you. Somebody wants you to do something, fuck you. Boss pisses you off, fuck you! Own your house. Have a couple bucks in the bank. Don’t drink. That’s all I have to say to anybody on any social level. Did your grandfather take risks?
Jim Bennett: Yes.
Frank: I guarantee he did it from a position of fuck you. A wise man’s life is based around fuck you. The United States of America is based on fuck you. You have a navy? Greatest army in the history of mankind? Fuck you! Blow me. We’ll fuck it up ourselves.
The Gambler, 2014


I broke bad the day my father burned in a fire that started in 2 places at once, 3 years & 5 months after sprouting my 1st crack on 9/11.

I broke bad gradually & then suddenly: 8 years of assclowning—gradually; 18 days of watching my father die—suddenly.

An asshole differs from an assclown: as cutting in line, from broaching rear entry; as arrogating privileges, from reclaiming rights.

All you giving up rights to line up for the sake of craven politeness: do as I do, or hope & pray to catch up with me on the other side.

All you frantically boarding up the rear entry: stock up on glue & lube, ere you get fisted & splintered.

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12:00 pm

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September 10th, 2016
05:54 pm

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September 8th, 2016
12:00 pm

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My tweets
  • Wed, 17:20: In deference to my self-piteous swarthier compatriots, I hereby claim my pallid mien as the default for social... https://t.co/K8wTC6bOUp
  • Wed, 17:33: “Where the Second Amendment’s guarantees apply, as they do for Binderup and Suarez, ‘certain policy choices’ are... https://t.co/o0b7Fmt243
  • Wed, 17:45: In which the state gets to fluff a Big Swinging Dick to impeach his excuse. We ❤️ jurisprudence. https://t.co/BUaxDsOmCm
  • Wed, 17:54: The only thing that makes Porsche “the counterculture underdog to the established greats” is its Nazi provenance.... https://t.co/WL4OHWtZ16
  • Wed, 20:37: There are two independently insufficient but marginally valid reasons to support Trump: (1) Sympathy for the... https://t.co/UnpssOg0bL
  • Thu, 10:13: Hillary supporters, can you think of a valid reason for others to despise you? If not, best abstain from haranguing the general public.

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September 6th, 2016
12:01 pm

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September 5th, 2016
12:00 pm

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September 4th, 2016
12:00 pm

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September 3rd, 2016
12:00 pm

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September 2nd, 2016
01:35 am

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August 30th, 2016
12:02 pm

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August 28th, 2016
11:47 pm

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August 27th, 2016
12:02 pm

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August 26th, 2016
06:56 pm

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gun library

Ferdinand Hodler, Wilhelm Tell (1896-1897), Kunstmuseum Solothurn

My Swiss, French, and German gun library:
  1. Reinhard Kornayer, Die Geschichte der Parabellum-Pistole in der Schweiz;
  2. Hans P. Doebeli, Die SIG Pistolen, 1981;
  3. FM 23 35 Basic Field Manual Automatic Pistol Caliber 45 M1911 and M1911A1, 1940;
  4. Deutsche Waffen und Munitionsfabriken Berlin, Die Selbstladepistole „Parabellum“;
  5. Schweizerische Armee 65.317d: Die 9 mm Pistole 49 (Pist. 49), Anleitung für die Waffenmechaniker, gültig ab 1. October 1966;
  6. Schweizerische Armee Technisches Reglement Nr. 1: Der Karabiner (K. 11 und K. 31), Provisorische Ausgabe 1939.
Watch this space for updates.

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August 23rd, 2016
12:00 pm

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August 22nd, 2016
12:01 pm

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August 21st, 2016
02:40 pm

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