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December 31st, 2025
12:10 pm

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HIC LOCUS EST UBI MORS GAUDET SUCCURRERE VITAE
Welcome to the online journal of larvatus. Stable texts are open to the general public. Squibs and sallies, schemes and stratagems, jaunts and taunts, are restricted to friends. Please note that locked texts subject to third party copyright are provided to my friends under the doctrine of fair use, subject to implied consent by all their readers to abstain from redistribution. Reciprocal friendship shall be extended to all sane, sound, and disinterested personae. Comments and critique are always welcome. Marriage proposals and death threats shall be entertained in the order received.
    The House Rules are few and lax. All anonymous comments are initially screened. They shall be revealed or answered at your host’s discretion. All signed comments are initially presumed welcome, until and unless they cause an affront to your host. Thereupon their author shall become banned from further contributions to this journal. Otherwise, anything goes.
                        SAY WHAT?

                                                                                         ÇA ?
                                                                      Tristan Corbière


A treatise? You don’t say! I haven’t treated squat!
A study? Slothful wretch, my culture fetid rot.
A volume? Random heap, sheets stacked in disarray.
Good copy? Not with me enmired in the fray.

A poem? Not today, my lyre is being cleaned.
A book? Of fusty tomes far better to be weaned.
A song? Would that it were, my ear is made of tin.
Fun pastime? Sordid den, dire boredom dwells within.

A cadence? Rhythmic flow is broken by dull grind.
A product? I divide what others multiplied.
A story? Handicapped, my lame and laggard Muse.
Clear proof? My mind is fraught by grief and lit by booze.

High fashion? Wealth and style inform nowhere my dress.
Grandstanding or grand mal? My spasms fail to impress.
Evicted from the hall, I lurk behind the stage,
In transit, poised to choose: a joy house or a cage.

Too old? But to retire, my tenure won’t suffice.
Too young? My hectic life will rid me of this vice.
A sage, a slob, an ace, a master, and a clown,
A stud without a flock, a king without a crown.

THIS is without pretense, and yet a blatant pose.
It’s life and nothing but, confessed in deathless prose.
A masterpiece? Could be, I never made one yet!
A farce? A waste? A bomb? Decide and place your bet!

I bet… and I shall sign herewith my humble name;
My child shall overcome each tainted libel claim.
Through chance it will prevail, its fate a stroke of luck
Art knows me not at all — and I don’t give a fuck.

                      — traduced by MZ, 6 September 2005


free counters

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10:00 am

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for the anonymous troll
Over sixteen twenty years online, I have received a broad spectrum of threats and pitches, and entertained a commensurate range of slurs and plaudits. This experience has crystallized two iron laws of online communications.

The first law is a corollary of Occam’s razor. No matter what you are promised or threatened on the Internet, the most you will get out of it is oral ministrations. In other words, there is no downside in moving virtual bluster to realspace. Yonder puffed-out sock puppet is as unlikely to escalate its verbiage to physical damage, as the heiress of an African potentate, to bestow her commission upon Americans paying their facilitation fees. By contrast, that virtual fellatrix yearning to reward your eloquence with expert suction may well come through as promised, especially if you overlook minor discrepancies ranging from mien to gender.

The second law of Internet intercourse is a corollary of the first. Only a clueless newbie responds personally to an anonymous troll. To illustrate its application, whenever one of the latter kind feels the urge to share its thoughts about anything but one of the former, it should take them instead to someone who can relate to its bogus persona. It makes no difference whether a figment of this sort touts itself as a public intellectual in mufti, or poses as a skank that services barnyard livestock for spare change. In the immortal words of Jack Nicholson, sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.

A final notice to the insistent incognito. When you surpass words in punishing my excesses, make sure that your hostile deeds leave me unfit to retaliate. My reckoning will define the remainder of your life. It’s happened to your betters before. Don’t let it happen to you.

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March 27th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 26th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 25th, 2015
12:51 pm

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My tweets
  • Tue, 16:36: “Fuck the Jews. They won’t vote for us anyway.” — The Honorable James Baker, Secretary of State, United States of... http://t.co/xV09ZjPk6W

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March 24th, 2015
12:05 pm

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March 23rd, 2015
12:03 pm

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March 22nd, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 21st, 2015
12:02 pm

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07:52 am

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r.i.p. fido


Francis Muir, also known as fido, ffoulkes , fideaux, and our beloved phydeaux, passed away on 17 February 2015. Twenty-one years ago, I comprised a trinitarian RABfest with Fido and his faithful foil, Professor McDuck, at the legendary Hyatt Rickey’s in Palo Alto. All three are gone now. I shall cherish their legacy till my dying day. Godspeed to the celestial Usenet, my Eskimo Brother.

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March 20th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 19th, 2015
12:02 pm

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06:33 am

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jerry moran, python doctor
Last week I received a phone call from Jerry Moran. He read and liked my studies of Korth and Manurhin revolvers. The personal effect of this call approximated a palpable sign of God’s approval of my devotion to the worship of his creation. Mr Moran is in good spirits and remains active in the sports, but, regrettably, no longer makes his perfected Python actions. He can be found on Facebook, and likewise my personal page and tributes to Korth and Manurhin MR73. All revolver aficionados owe him a debt of gratitude, and would be well advised to express their appreciation.

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March 18th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 15th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 14th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 13th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 12th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 11th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 10th, 2015
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March 9th, 2015
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March 8th, 2015
01:02 pm

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09:24 am

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on the eve of the crimean war
Инициативная роль, которую сыграл Николай при возникновении Крымской войны, была не случайным явлением, но строго обусловленным обстоятельствами и почти неизбежным историческим фактом.
    Припомним хотя бы вкратце основные черты дипломатической деятельности и настроений Николая перед началом конечной катастрофы и прежде всего постараемся уяснить себе, каковы были сильные и слабые стороны его как дипломата. Сильной стороной являлись: некоторая способность к дипломатической деятельности, уменье вести переговоры в соответствующем случаю тоне, уменье (утраченное им впоследствии) вовремя понять ошибку и свернуть с опасного пути, уменье (тоже потерянное в последние годы царствования) терпеливо ждать, не теряя из виду поставленной цели, но и не форсируя событий, наконец, стремленье до последней возможности стараться достигнуть желаемого результата чисто дипломатическим путем, не прибегая к войне. Что касается слабых его сторон как руководителя внешней политики империи, то одной из главных — была его глубокая, поистине непроходимая, всесторонняя, если можно так выразиться, невежественность.
—Евгений Тарле, Крымская война, 1941–1944

Василий Нестеренко, Отстоим Севастополь, 2005
The contribution of Tzar Nicholas I to the outbreak of the Crimean War was not a matter of chance, but rather one due to rigidly determined circumstances and almost inevitable historical developments.
    Let us briefly recall the main features of Nicholas’ diplomatic activity and sentiments on the eve of the final catastrophe, and above all try to understand for ourselves his diplomatic strengths and weaknesses. His strengths included a certain faculty for diplomacy; an ability to negotiate in the key befitting the occasion; an ability, subsequently lost, to understand the error of his ways and evade dangers just in time; an ability, likewise lost in the last years of his reign, to bide his time, neither losing sight of his goals, nor forcing the events; and finally, a desire to exhaust every opportunity for achieving the desired result through purely diplomatic means, before resorting to war. As for the weaknesses of his leadership of the foreign policy of his empire, one of the main of them it was his profound, truly impenetrable, and if it may be so called, well-rounded ignorance.
Evgeny Tarle, The Crimean War, 1941–1944

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March 7th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 6th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 5th, 2015
12:01 pm

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March 4th, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 3rd, 2015
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March 2nd, 2015
12:02 pm

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March 1st, 2015
11:28 pm

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pensée d’album
Charles Baudelaire inscribes in an album belonging to Mme Francine Ledoux, dated 26 August 1851:
À mesure que l’homme avance dans la vie, et qu’il voit les choses de plus haut, ce que le monde est convenu d’appeler la beauté perd bien de son importance, et aussi la volupté, et bien d’autres balivernes. Aux yeux désabusés et désormais clairvoyants toutes les saisons ont leur valeur et l’hiver n’est pas la plus mauvaise ni la moins féerique. Dès lors la beauté ne sera plus que la promesse du bonheur, c’est Stendhal, je crois, qui a dit cela. La beauté sera la forme qui garantit le plus de bonté, de fidélité au serment, de loyauté dans l’exécution du contrat, de finesse dans l’intelligence des rapports. La laideur sera cruauté, avarice, sottise, mensonge. La plupart des jeunes gens ignorent ces choses, et ils ne les apprennent qu’à leurs dépens. Quelques-uns d’entre nous le savent aujourd’hui ; mais on ne sait que pour soi seul. Quels moyens pouvais-je efficacement employer pour persuader à un jeune étourdi que l’irrésistible sympathie que j’éprouve pour les vieilles femmes, ces êtres qui ont beaucoup souffert par leurs amants, leurs maris, leurs enfants, et aussi par leurs propres fautes, n’est mêlée d’aucun appétit sexuel ?
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Si l’idée de la Vertu et de l’Amour universel n’est pas mêlée à tous nos plaisirs, tous nos plaisirs deviendront tortures et remords.
As man advances in life, and as he achieves greater detachment, what the world has agreed to call beauty loses much of its importance, and likewise as to pleasure, and many other trifles. To disillusioned and henceforth clairvoyant eyes all seasons have their value, and winter is not the worst nor the least magical. From now on beauty shall be no more than the promise of happiness; I believe it is Stendhal who said so. Beauty shall be the form that guarantees the most of goodness, of promise-keeping, of loyalty in the performance of a contract, of refinement of thought in relations. Ugliness shall be cruelty, greed, stupidity, falsehood. Most young people know nothing of these things, and they learn them the hard way. Some of us know them today; but we know them only for ourselves alone. What means could I effectively employ to persuade a young scatterbrain that the irresistible sympathy I feel for old women, those beings who have suffered greatly through their lovers, their husbands, their children, and also through their own fault, is not mixed with any sexual appetite?
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If the idea of ​​Virtue and universal Love is not admixed to all our pleasures, all our pleasures will turn into torture and remorse.

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